“Too Independent"

First and foremost, I would like to take this time to laugh…….haahahahhahhahahhhahaaa.

Thank you.

Now, I have been told by guys that the reason I haven’t been approached is because I’m come off too independent. It was confusing to me because I don’t have a sign on me saying “I’m too independent” so how are they assuming or figuring this out? I’m told it is because the way I carry myself.

Blank stare.

I carry myself as a lady, I thought. I don’t show too much skin, my clothes aren’t too fitted, but I keep sexy enough to enforce my “lady-ness.” Truly there’s nothing wrong with that, right? I hear all the time that you attract guys according to how you dress. This is true, right? But my question is what makes me look “too independent?”

So I decided to ask my best friends who have known me for a very long time, at least half of my life. They said yes, I come off as too independent. I make it seem that I don’t need a guy. Some of the things they said were I’m very organized; I have a job, my own place, and car; I’m always trying to fix things myself; I try to avoid anything leading to failure; I’m intelligent and smart and know a lot about different subjects; and so forth.

So I’m hearing all of this, right? And now I’m thinking “so I need to appear vulnerable and weak and dumb?” And I’m also thinking, “That’s not going to happen!” But now I’m feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. How do I “look” available for dating and not look “too independent” but not look “too weak”? 0_o

Now this is the part where you are free to laugh at me. So I’m literally in the mirror looking at myself trying to figure how do I not look too independent. Do I smile this way or that way? Do I walk like this or like that? Should laugh with confidence or laugh shyly? Should I wear this to make my booty look big or should I wear this make up to enhance my eyes? I laughed at myself and said this is dumb and kept it moving because I knew deep down inside, I’m going to be miss independent anyway BECAUSE I HAVE NO CHOICE!

So yeah, I know I have no choice. I have NO ONE but Yahweh to rely on. My money is tight so I have NO room to do dumb things or make dumb decisions. Dumb choices like go out a spend money on getting drunk. Or spend my bill money on clothes and shoes. Or allowing someone to drive my car and they aren’t on my insurance and I KNOW they ain’t got no money if ended up in an car accident. Or allow someone to spend the night over my house and they don’t have their own place and it because a bad habit to break. All these things are subject to happen if I lose my “independence” and guess whose left hanging over a cliff? Me. That’s not going to happen. I’m not going to be screwed over.

Okay, so I know that I’m supposed to continue being me but what about being approached? Lol. It’s funny and serious at the same time.

I talked to a friend who has been married for almost two years and whose parents have been married for over 20 years. The homie is full of wisdom! She said to me that she was in the same position before and knew exactly how I felt. But she told something that brought me peace with myself. She said you are doing fine. Don’t stop being independent. These are your morals and values and if you lower it you’ll always end up with someone who standards aren’t as high as yours and that’s a life of unhappiness.

She continued saying if a man is going to approach you, his standards, if not the same, should be higher, or at least to trying to get higher. He should be able to prove that he can take care of his self and you and one day, your children. But she concluded with this powerful yet simple statement: If he loves Yahweh with all his heart, he will know how to love you. She said after dating so many guys with the things she wanted in a guy (flesh), none of them were for her. She said she finally surrendered to Yahweh and said “Send me someone that You have for me,” and that was her only prayer. He definitely sent a man who feared Him to her. I have met this guy and can testify that he is really a great guy to her!

After hearing this from her, I found peace in myself. The thought of continuing being me without trying to look approachable removes all frustration, confusion, and stress. It’s so easy to just be me but the joy of being me is the best part!

So I just want to give Yahweh a shout out for always sending His angels of wisdom to me. I’m going to continue to do be me and also continue to learn, gain wisdom, and improve myself until Yahweh says it’s time to me my “Adam”. Lol.

Peace and blessings!