“Too Independent"

First and foremost, I would like to take this time to laugh…….haahahahhahhahahhhahaaa.

Thank you.

Now, I have been told by guys that the reason I haven’t been approached is because I’m come off too independent. It was confusing to me because I don’t have a sign on me saying “I’m too independent” so how are they assuming or figuring this out? I’m told it is because the way I carry myself.

Blank stare.

I carry myself as a lady, I thought. I don’t show too much skin, my clothes aren’t too fitted, but I keep sexy enough to enforce my “lady-ness.” Truly there’s nothing wrong with that, right? I hear all the time that you attract guys according to how you dress. This is true, right? But my question is what makes me look “too independent?”

So I decided to ask my best friends who have known me for a very long time, at least half of my life. They said yes, I come off as too independent. I make it seem that I don’t need a guy. Some of the things they said were I’m very organized; I have a job, my own place, and car; I’m always trying to fix things myself; I try to avoid anything leading to failure; I’m intelligent and smart and know a lot about different subjects; and so forth.

So I’m hearing all of this, right? And now I’m thinking “so I need to appear vulnerable and weak and dumb?” And I’m also thinking, “That’s not going to happen!” But now I’m feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. How do I “look” available for dating and not look “too independent” but not look “too weak”? 0_o

Now this is the part where you are free to laugh at me. So I’m literally in the mirror looking at myself trying to figure how do I not look too independent. Do I smile this way or that way? Do I walk like this or like that? Should laugh with confidence or laugh shyly? Should I wear this to make my booty look big or should I wear this make up to enhance my eyes? I laughed at myself and said this is dumb and kept it moving because I knew deep down inside, I’m going to be miss independent anyway BECAUSE I HAVE NO CHOICE!

So yeah, I know I have no choice. I have NO ONE but Yahweh to rely on. My money is tight so I have NO room to do dumb things or make dumb decisions. Dumb choices like go out a spend money on getting drunk. Or spend my bill money on clothes and shoes. Or allowing someone to drive my car and they aren’t on my insurance and I KNOW they ain’t got no money if ended up in an car accident. Or allow someone to spend the night over my house and they don’t have their own place and it because a bad habit to break. All these things are subject to happen if I lose my “independence” and guess whose left hanging over a cliff? Me. That’s not going to happen. I’m not going to be screwed over.

Okay, so I know that I’m supposed to continue being me but what about being approached? Lol. It’s funny and serious at the same time.

I talked to a friend who has been married for almost two years and whose parents have been married for over 20 years. The homie is full of wisdom! She said to me that she was in the same position before and knew exactly how I felt. But she told something that brought me peace with myself. She said you are doing fine. Don’t stop being independent. These are your morals and values and if you lower it you’ll always end up with someone who standards aren’t as high as yours and that’s a life of unhappiness.

She continued saying if a man is going to approach you, his standards, if not the same, should be higher, or at least to trying to get higher. He should be able to prove that he can take care of his self and you and one day, your children. But she concluded with this powerful yet simple statement: If he loves Yahweh with all his heart, he will know how to love you. She said after dating so many guys with the things she wanted in a guy (flesh), none of them were for her. She said she finally surrendered to Yahweh and said “Send me someone that You have for me,” and that was her only prayer. He definitely sent a man who feared Him to her. I have met this guy and can testify that he is really a great guy to her!

After hearing this from her, I found peace in myself. The thought of continuing being me without trying to look approachable removes all frustration, confusion, and stress. It’s so easy to just be me but the joy of being me is the best part!

So I just want to give Yahweh a shout out for always sending His angels of wisdom to me. I’m going to continue to do be me and also continue to learn, gain wisdom, and improve myself until Yahweh says it’s time to me my “Adam”. Lol.

Peace and blessings!

Fall is here!

Yesterday was the first day of Fall. Most compare this season to depression. However, you have the power in your tongue declare Victory over YOUR season. Do not be conform of this world and what people say about the Fall season. I can testify that many blessings can come and will come during this season. One testify for me was receiving a brand new 2012 car. Do not limit yourself to what you see but to believe the unbelievable. You are not too young or too old to receive anything from God.

Enjoy this season for it is the season of change. And check this out, in other parts of the world they are experience Spring...still a season of change. And also some experience winter or summer all year round. And guess what? They still gotta go through changes, too! Declare your season today!

Happy Fall Season! Be bless. Be encourage!

Lifestyle Change...

After these last couple of weeks, I realized I've been doing the same thing for four months non-stop. I go to work, I come home. I go to church, I come home. Saturdays? I go to rehearsal--church--and then, go home. Sunday? Church and go home. Pay checks from work? After I've paid all my bills, I only have money for groceries and gas.

Well, guess what? I'M TIRED OF IT! I'M CHANGING IT NOW!

Last weekend, I put $10 in my tank and went to the Smoky Mountains with a friend. Instead of buying gas from Kroger/Shell, which I have been faithful to for 10 months, I bought gas from Marathon company. OMGGGGG! This gas does NOT burn as fast as Kroger! I saw a breakthrough in my life after buying this gas!!! I immediately saw myself being able to do more and save more. The main reason why I haven't been able to do much was because I've been trying to conserve gas!

Tomorrow I'm taking myself out on a date. A coworker who plays in a band is playing tomorrow and free admission. What a perfect date to myself, right???? And I plan on being the perfect gentleman, too! LOL

Unease Feeling: Praise God or Get Mad

Ever been in an unease feeling where things can easily fall apart or you have no idea what's going to happen next or you just don't feel secure about the future? May sound crazy to the unbelievers or those who are struggling to believe, but this the opportunity to laugh in enjoyment and to praise God. 

The uncomfortable moments are purposely designed to test you. Will you panic, get frustrated and give up, or will test your faith in Him and trust/know that God is going to bring you out? Let me warn you, you DON'T WANT TO PANIC OR TURN YOUR BACK ON GOD! The worse will happen. 

Well, for me, I def in an unease chapter in my life and I choose to praise God through it! It's really funny, too, because I see myself 2 or 3 yrs ago panicking and getting mad at God wondering why He's letting these things happen to me. I'm good today because even when I was panicking and angry He STILL blessed me. So what kind of blessings will I receive if I just trust and praise Him????

BE ENCOURAGED FACEBOOK! DON'T GIVE UP!

New Job!

Hello all! It has definitely been a minute. And many things have happened since I've last blogged on here. Well, let me tell you about my new job.

Before the new job, I was losing interest fast in my old job. I mean FAST! To the point were I was not performing my best and my budget was about to start struggling. It was hard to apply myself to it. It was like torture forcing myself to do something I had lost ALL intereste in. And as usual, I began amending my resume and began my job hunt.

A friend of mine told me about a job opening at her company. When I looked at the postings on the website, there were two that I was interested in. The one I was really interested in was only 30 hrs a week and paid $9/hr, which cannot cover my expenses. So I applied for the other position which was full time.

I received an email for the hiring manager saying that position I applied for was filled but would like for me to interview for the other position. At first I was thinking, "No, that's not enough money." But then I was like, "Let me go on and interview. They can at least see my face and hear my talents. They may have another position one day and think of me."

So I interviewed with the hiring manager Friday, and later that day afterwards, I was scheduled for a second interview that Monday.

The whole weekend I thank God. Nothing in particular. Just thanked Him and was in high praise. I didn't get discouraged about anything. Not even the fact this job was 30 hrs a week for $9. I prepared my mine to either negotiate or just began looking for another job. Either way, I was in high praise.

The hiring manager talked to my friend who works that and ask how would I feel about the pay. My friend was like, "That's not enough...see what you can do."

Monday came. I was at my other job and my interview was on my lunch break.

Lunch came and I flew to get to my interview. Interviewed with the hiring manager and CEO and afterwards, I was just WAITING for them to tell me the pay. I was ready to negotiate! They asked if I had any questions and I said no. Then the hiring manager says she wish she could tell me the pay but she is waiting on some things....or something worded like that. Now my face expression was cool and I was like "Okay, that's fine.."staying cool, right. But in my mind, "GOD, WHAT YOU DOING??? YOU WORKING SOMETHING OUT??? DO WHAT YOU DO, LORD!"

So, I thanked them and they told me to be listening for a call that evening and I left. As I was leaving, kept on praising and thanking God. Didn't know what was about to happen but I knew God was working.

Right when I got home from work, I received a phone call from the hiring manager. She offered me the position but get this! They made it a full time position, she told me the benefits, and my salary for the year! While she was talking, I was in my apartment jumping up and down but keeping and talking cool on the phone like everything was normal. When I hung up I ran and jumped around my apartment punching the air, throwing my hands up praising God! I didn't know what to do or how to feel! I didn't know if I should cry or laugh! I did it all! Tears 2 seconds, laughed 2 seconds!

I got in the car and drove and didn't know where to go. Finally I went to Chedder's and took myself out. My friend met up with me and we shared how good God is.

So the point of this is: no matter what don't get discouraged. You don't know what God is doing in the background. Continue to praise and thank God. You don't have to thank Him for anything specific. Just thank Him and watch the favor come.

Receiving my email address from my new job!

Going through the storm.

 

 

James 1:12 NIV

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

(James has always been my man!)

Got on the prayer line this morning and received a good lesson! And one thing Pastor said was he was on an airplane and they had entered into a storm. He said he was scared. The pilot told the flight attendents to sit down. He told the passengers that they couldn’t land where they were supposed to and was low on fuel. The Pastor said he was scared. They landed in another place instead fill up. After an hr the pilot said they will be entering back into the storm. The Pastor said he wasn’t scared this time b/c he had been thru this storm before!

Afterwards, at work, I pondered on this and started drawing at my desk and this is the picture I drew.

Persevere through your storms and gain wisdom through. When you enter the same storm again, you won’t be scared and will be prepared. God will guide us through with the right sources; we just have to trust Him!

Take time, be patience, remove the tangles, and then, watch the results.

I shampooed and detangled and straighten my hair. It took a while because I had so many tangles in my hair. I had to shampoo it about 8 times and it took about 1.5 hrs to detangle alone. About 2.5 hrs to straighten. After I was done, I was very impress of the results I saw. My hair is longer than ever.

And then God spoke to me about the process of my hair. Do the same with your life. I normally hate doing my hair b/c it takes so much time and patience. I heard God say, "Take time with your life. Be patience with your life. Remove all the tangles out your life, and then, watch and be amazed of the results!"

Let me prepare! You prepare!

Car Blessing

I have waited until I heard the Holy Spirit tell me to buy a car. I previously shared with you on my blog A Piece of my Testimony about my life without a car, and I was doing just fine. However, since then I have gotten involved with several things for the Kingdom and getting around was starting to be complicated AND frustrating. Before my birthday (the end of October) I knew it was getting close to time to get a car.

 

A church member asked me what kind of car I wanted. I told her it wasn't anything specific; whatever God blesses me with, I'll be satisfied. But she said I needed to be specific. Through out the day and that night I pondered. Before I went to sleep, I googled car. And the car to the right in the picture above showed up. A Honda Civic. So I said, "Okay, I want a Honda Civic." I shared this picture with few other friends who were also without vehicles saying "that this is the car I want and believing God will do so." Now in the back of my mind, I still was thinking I will be grateful for any car.

 

Thanksgiving break came and I road home with my friend. I also was thinking, "I'll be driving myself back." Honestly, I didn't have high faith but I had faith. The day before Thanksgiving my mother and I went to Nissan car dealership. I went here first because through my job I get a discount.

 

To make a long story short, I came in with a mindset to buy a used car. My credit is not the best and even though I had a small savings my mother told me, with high faith, "you're not putting any down payment down." The last time I checked my credit was in the low 500s but when Nissan ran my credit it was 604. At first I was thinking how did it jump that high so fast but then I remembered who my FATHER is! Through Him ANYTHING is possible! (Matthew 19:26) The discount only applied to a new car. A bank was willing to finance me and I signed the papers and God gave me a brand new car!

 

I told God I will use this car to serve Him. Fast forward. The first week back in Knoxville with the car and went to bible study. I took a church member home. Now this was one of the ones who was included in the text when I googled car and shared with them my belief. She told me, "You got the car you wanted." I said, "No. That car was a Honda Civic. This is a Nissan Versa." My church member said, "Well, it looks JUST like the car in the pic." And I immediately said "WOOOOOOOOOOOOW! IT DOES!!!" I said to God Honda Civic but I will be grateful for anything.

 

NOW YOU CAN'T TELL ME GOD ISN'T REAL!

 

When you are faithful or even strive to be faithful, He takes care of His own. And when you have faith of mustard seed, it moves mountains! (Luke 17:6) You have to believe it. You have to have the vision in mind. I believe and imagine myself often driving and doing the work of God in it. I asked and He gave. (Matthew 7:7) Don't speak negatively on your life because you don't know WHAT God can do. And don't rely on what man says because God has the final say so! (Proverbs 18:21 and Psalm 118:8).

 

My brothers and sisters, I hope this will bring encouragement and strengthen your faith. When you can, read my previous blog A Piece of my Testimony to connect it with this blog.

 

Peace and blessings to you from Yahweh, our Sovereign God!

"I always feel like somebody is watching me..."

‎Yes, I do feel like that. And since God has been maturing me spiritually and growing my leadership in His kingdom, I can no longer continue using the excuse when I mess up "God knows my heart". I will now say "I know better." Because now it matters about the hearts of the lost souls. I can't be "holier than thou" and then get caught up in my flesh when I have a responsibility. We are leaders of Yahweh and we must live accordingly. 

What is caught up in flesh? Many automatically think sex. But it's anything not of God (which is sin): stealing, lying, envying, "hating", and so forth. 

James 3:9-10 9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

My brothers and sisters my pray is that you will prosper in God's Kingdom! And I pray that God will continue to help me lead lost souls closer to You!

PEACE AND BLESSINGS!

 

 

Still pushing foward...

It has been a gooood minute since I have blogged. But I must say things are going pretty well even with perseverance, I have gotten through. I am expecting great things to come. I shall update when it happens and it WILL be soon. :)

God bless.